Watson, I'm Holmes!
by alpacas4ever
Summary: This is what I think should happen in series 3. Sherlock decides to tell John he's alive with a little bit of a joke. Inspired by a web comic I found. Bad summary, but ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

Watson I'm Holmes!

"Sooo….." Molly says, drawing out the o. I don't understand why she still bothers to try to lighten the mood. She must of learned by now that that is a completely hopeless case. John remains bitter.

"What." John says, still speaking in a blank tone of voice. Oh, but he's _angry_. She's not helping.

"Molly it is best that you be quiet now. I don't think that John appreciated my humor."

"Humor, Sherlock? That was not _humor_!" John breaks from staring at the table, and truns to face me.

See? That got him talking again! Most he's said since he fainted! And Donovan says I'm not good with people. Oh, wait; he's still talking isn't he?

"I thought you were _dead! _I thought you were DEAD!" He's standing up now. His stature is practically screaming that he wants to hit me. Granted, it usually is, but this time it's worse.

"That was not part of the pun." I say, defending myself against his anger. "It was supposed to make this easier."

"EASIER!?" John roars. " I. LOST. A. BROTHER! And you expect him coming back to be better by running in and saying a stupid JOKE!?" And then he pulls back and punches me. Pain shoots through my eye as I feel his fist slam into my face, but I smile as I remember something The Woman said to me before.

_"Somebody loves you," she said, and turned to John, "Why if I were going to punch that face I'd avoid the nose and teeth too."_

I look up from my place on the couch that John has punched me into. "John, I am sorry, the last 8 months haven't exactly been good to me either, but they were necessary for your survival, and that of Ms. Hudson and Lestrad."

John sighs and sits back in the chair near were my skull used to be, placing his hands on his face. "Sherlock, I could kill you right now."

"And it would be perfectly legal, seeing as the world already thinks that I am dead."

John laughs slightly, "This is completely ridiculous. I'm glad you're back. Don't do that again."

Molly smiles and shifts slightly on the couch causing John to jump a bit. He probably forgot she was there. "So, um, what was this joke that Sherlock made anyway?"

John keeps his head in his hands and says, "Watson, I'm Holmes."

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

Well HI my little friends! How'd you like that?! :D That was my first fanfiction, so I would greatly appreciate any recommendations on how to make my writing better. This is most likely going to be a one shot, depending on what kind of reviews I get. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to our next meeting! Weeeeeeeeeeeee! (Yeah. I feel hyper. Sluprpies are beautiful things.)


	2. Chapter 2

He Really Is Back

I roll over in my bed, as the sun comes up over the horizon from outside my window. It was all just a dream; one of many when he came back. Of course he wouldn't come back. It just seemed so _real._ But it wasn't. It never was. Also, Sherlock Holmes would never make a joke. I laugh slightly, almost forcefully.

_Much less a joke that bad._

Suddenly there is a rustling in the outside of my door. We have had a few break-ins recently, people trying to steal, thinking that no one lives here anymore. I barely ever go outside; too many reminders. I reach for the gun that I keep on the dresser next to my bed, and slowly swing my legs over the side of the bed before creeks. The footsteps, as I have guessed they are pause and then stop. I assume that they must be hiding. I step into the long hallway leading up to the living room.

_That's were Sherlock used to always be. _

I brush away the faint reminder of a long gone past and walk closer.

"Who's there?" I say, keeping the gun up. "I'm warning you! I've got a gun. Come out now, and I might not call the police. I have a very close friend who's an officer!"

"Technically John," I hear a deep voice beside me and I nearly jump out of my skin, my reflexes pulling the trigger automatically and shooting a bullet directly in the wall. Sherlock doesn't even flinch as continues speaking. "Lestrad is still on suspension."

I breathe out a sigh of relief. He really is back.

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

Hello children! There you go! I know it's odd to update the day after something's gone up, but oh well. You'll live. Maybe. ;) Think of it as a summer present! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I didn't think Watson would totally shut down, but I don't think that he would be perfectly sane anymore, and I hope I portrayed that right. Please review, favorite, or whatever people do, and I'll see you soon!


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